Rated: PG
Category: MA, MSR, MT
Spoilers: The Blessing Way. Near the end of Season 7.
Feedback: Gratefully acknowledged at patfiler2016@outlook.com
Archive: Gossamer. I usually take care of the rest, post it to
my website and give permission if I am asked.
Author's Note: * A line taken from The Blessing Way. This
story was entered the the Mulder's Refuge Challenge for
October, 2006: "In My Dreams".
Our most haunting fears, our highest aspirations, even ideas we haven't given thought to yet, all these exist and frolic
through the playground sleep provides. We dream in order to preserve our sanity. Often we dream to fulfil our deepest wishes,
fight our fiercest internal battles or attain goals we secretly desire.
In my dreams, I conquer the foes who snatched Samantha in her most tender years, and proudly present her to our Mom and
Dad. Her age varies, but most often she's still 8, cannot remember that fateful night. Rather, she remembers the fight over
"The Magician" over the Watergate hearings. Sometimes I pat her on the back and jokingly whisper, "The hearings
are still going to be on next week. I wouldn't plan on 'The Magician' if I were you."
In my dreams, I expose the most heinous conspiracy anyone could imagine. With Scully by my side, I thank the Senate, Congress
and FBI for the honours bestowed upon us. But, the dreams lack the evidence I found, and I suddenly find myself naked before
all. Held up for ridicule for all to see.
In my dreams, I hold Scully tightly after I have found her. She was only lost in the woods and suffering mild exposure
after a couple of days in Duane Barry's confinement. When I awake, I realize it was only a dream. How could I undo whatever
indignities she endured at the hands of her captors? The memories of those agonizing months she was missing haunts me in the
day.
In my dreams, the nation discovers many, many people were abducted by those who also took Scully, and armaments are gathered
to fight a battle we must win. Scully is immersed in research to duplicate the much coveted vaccine, which I found in that
very same dream. But then everything drifts into a mist, and I try to call out for Scully with a voice that won't make a sound
no matter how hard I try.
My father came to me in my dreams once, when no one thought I would live. He hadn't expected to see me that soon. New
Mexico drew me to a horrendous underground discovery, and for that I was left to die in a fire, courtesy of my father's old
friend.
I remember the words of my father: "The thing that would destroy me, the truth I felt you must never learn is the
truth you will find if you are to go forward."* My body, soul and mind were fighting for the life that I was determined
to hang on to, to find my sister and find the monsters who had done this to me.
The dreams that haunt me the most are the ones of that fateful night I couldn't stop Samantha from being taken. In those
dreams I am paralyzed with fear, and after I awake, I feel the same tears that stain my pillow every time that dream comes
upon me.
What are the answers these dreams are trying to show me? Just as I was relentlessly curious as a child, I am still trying
to find the questions I need to ask to show me what these dreams mean.
Another dream is to give Scully the closure she needs in order to know her sister's murderer.
A most astonishing dream has visited me for the past few months. I sit in her apartment looking at a picture of Scully
holding a baby, me at at her side. She looks so happy, contented and it's as though she has all she wants.
I'm packing my bags and going somewhere. I have no idea where I'm going, but I hope my journey will yield all the answers
for which I dream.
END
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