|
Title: Which Would You Like To Be?
Author: Pattie
Rated: PG-13
Category: Post-Gender Bender vignette, Missing Scene.
Summary: Mulder and Scully discuss whether they would
prefer to be male or female.
Feedback: patfiler206@outlook.com
Archive: Gossamer, any other nice home. Tell me where
you took me. I'd like to visit!
Disclaimers: Scully, Mulder, Genderbender and The X-Files
are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and
Fox Studios. I intend no copyright infringement and derive
no money from writing fan fiction. Darn shame, I must
say...
Summary: As they drive home after investigating the
gender changing "Kindred", Mulder and Scully discuss
which sex each would rather be -- if they had the choice.
Scully: Well, so much for 'solving' this one, Mulder. What
are we going to report this one as?
Mulder: Unsolved, I guess. Unless, of course, you would
rather chalk it up to gender changing aliens visiting here for
the sheer quality of the clay for their pottery making, and
getting a real bang out of us sexy Earth folk.
Scully: Unsolved. Definitely unsolved.
Mulder: Scully, what exactly happened when you shook
Brother Andrew's hand back in that town?
Scully: I really don't remember. Why?
Mulder: (Smiling) Well, you looked like you'd just met Tom
Cruise and needed a really good... And then when he
tried to get you to do the wild thing at their community...
Scully: Don't say it. Don't even tell me you think I was
aroused by that... that thing. (Turns away.)
Mulder: Okay. I'll change the subject. (Smirking) Still, it
was kind of cute.
Scully: (Closes eyes.) Mulder, please!
Mulder: If you had the choice, which would you rather be?
A male? A female?
Scully: Well, I didn't have the choice, and I am quite happy
to be a female, thank you kindly. Besides, if I had the
choice, I would have chosen female.
Mulder: What? You wouldn't want to experience being a
male? Ever?
Scully: I don't think so. What about you, Mulder? Male or
female?
Mulder: Well, I think I'd have to weigh the merits and
disadvantages of each sex first. Then I'd decide.
Scully: You wouldn't survive womanhood, Mulder. Modern
women are pressured to be thin, pretty, competitive AND
perfect mothers. Then, well, you nearly upchucked when
you saw me do that first autopsy. So, the monthly thing
would be a point against being a female. Then, there's the
realities women still face like equal opportunities in what is
still a man's world. A boys' club still exists in the major
professions.
Mulder: Okay. Try standing at a urinal and you know you
can't look, can't find anything really to say, especially to
strangers, and not to mention someone may look and
judge... Oh, the necktie. Great torture device. 'Be a
gentleman', 'Ladies first'. Having liberated women slam
doors in your face when you offer to open doors for them.
Women get wedding showers, baby showers. Men get stag
parties but no party for creating a baby. Sometimes, they
even get the blame.
Scully: (Loudly) High heels!
Mulder: Oh yeah? Cumberbunds!
Scully: Bras, pinchy shoes, sexual harassment...
Mulder: Socks that dig into your calves, unexpected
erections, women chasing after us and fighting like cats...
Scully: (Laughing) Are you bragging, Mulder?
Mulder: Well, I was speaking on behalf of most men...
Besides, you were generalizing, too. Very well, I might
add.
Scully: When all is said and done, I prefer being a woman.
Mulder: Well, I prefer being a man, Never even occurred to
me to wish to be a woman, anyway. So, why do you like
being a woman, Scully?
Scully: Oh, I like unraveling the mysteries of men. I like men,
Mulder.
Mulder: I find women to be a completely unfathomable bunch,
but I just prefer to date them rather than men. So, what was
so sexy about Brother Andrew of the Kindred?
Scully: Maybe he just seemed to understand both genders,
Mulder. Unlike some of the men I keep company with...
Mulder: Have I been insulted?
Scully: Just telling it like it is, Mulder.
Mulder: Aha! He must have had powerful pheremones...
Scully: You know, if I shoot you here, there goes my career. So,
just don't ever mention Brother Andrew again. Okay?
Mulder: Scully, I'm really glad you're a woman.
Scully: And why is that, Mulder?
Mulder: Because women are so reasonable, tender hearted,
sane, did I mention intelligent?
Scully: Mulder?
Mulder: Yes, Agent Scully?
Scully: If I were you, I'd just shut up and keep driving.
End
|
