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Rated: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Category: Humor
Feedback: patfiler2016@outlook.com
Author's Note: Beta kindly provided in
record time by DDIS2HOT. Thank you,
Jenna!
JANUARY 16, 1995,
A.D. SKINNER"S OFFICE
10:30 PM
Mulder and Scully sat in front of Skinner's
desk, unusually contrite and abashed. There was
really no excusing the past few days' raucous
behavior.
"I'm waiting for an explanation, Agents." Yes,
Skinner could be patient, but these days, it seemed
it was a rather expensive commodity given the
pressure he was under from his superiors.
"I don't know what to say, Sir. We were really out
of line." That was all that Mulder really had to
offer. As he looked at his shoes, he was doing his
best to stifle a smirk.
Scully was no further ahead in her list of excuses.
"I know we've let you down, Sir. I can't really think
of anything else to offer you, except my most sincere
apology." She gave Mulder a rather sharp elbow.
"Words cannot express just how... "
"Save it agents. Two weeks' suspension and no pay.
That'll be all." Skinner dismissed them with the same
tone he'd admonish two badly behaved children. "I will
see you in two weeks. Leave your keys with my
secretary."
It had started oh-so-innocently enough about three weeks
previous to the suspension. There was nothing to do. No
mystery assignments from Mulder's files, no words from
upstairs, and no calls from people who had come to him
with quirky cases, paranormal phenomena and UFO
sightings.
It was so quiet, Scully had actually though she was going
to go insane. "Mulder, I'm so bored I could actually watch
one of your videos."
"Okay. Let's see what we can do... " He leaned over and
reached for his video drawer.
"No, no. We need something to do. Remember, we come here
to WORK everyday? That's where I tell myself I'm going on
the way here, anyway. Have you ever seen the office this
quiet? This uneventful?"
"Well, we can moonlight and write up reviews on the
videos... "
There were seventy-five pencils on the ceiling, and three
fell right into his lap, pointy-end down. "Ow... God, Scully,
these things are sharp!" He winced in pain.
"Um... are you all right? I mean, since I'm a doctor, I may
as well take a look... "
"Well, while you're down there... "
Scully walked back three steps and scolded him sharply.
"THAT wasn't CLOSE to funny, Mulder. Besides, seen one, seen
them all."
"Really? Didn't know you'd gotten around. Even with the
built-in breakfast tray."
"Are you accusing me of being promiscuous, Mulder? I am truly
shocked. You know me better than that." She was actually quite
hurt.
"And you know me very well, Scully. I was only kidding."
"Apology accepted. Besides, everyone around here knows you
carry that roll of quarters just to impress."
"Was that an insult or a compliment? I can't really tell,
Scully. If you're looking, well, I guess it's only natural.
After all, you must be curious about all the things they're
saying around here. The things they've said about me for
years."
"They?"
"Well, only the women."
And that is the day the memos started flying. The circulars
that are usually meant to be humorous and go around the office
building just for the sake of brightening up one dull season of
joyless drudgery.
Scully retreated into herself and sat at the small writing table
across the office, and Mulder pretended to be interested in the
contents of a file about Drug Use in Government Agencies.
The petite red-head decided to draft a few pieces of silliness
and float them around the building. If the first one was a
success, she would continue to circulate them just to break the
monotony all had been complaining about.
One of the tour guides laughed aloud in the cafeteria as she read
her first glance at Scully's creative endeavor, and shared it
with a few of the other ladies at her table.
"On view Saturday in X-files Office:
Ladies Only Please
One Time Only!
Results of Agent
Spooky's Latest Physical! Measurements of All Important Things! (Hehehheh)
Your Hostess:
Personal Physician Dr. S."
Of course, it was really a joke, so no one showed. However, the
story still circulated, and Mulder had to sneak into the office
long before the first male agents entered the building for
several mornings. Revenge was of the utmost necessity, naturally.
Post haste. Mulder took his time, of course.
Five days after the Scully Memo, the Mulder Memo went out around to
a few of the guys, and a few more, and a few more. Agent Fox Mulder
was perfectly adept at composing his own unique brand of memo:
"SURPRISE AGENT SCULLY!
Birthday Bash for Agent Dana Katherine Scully!
Theme: Birthday Suits!
Attire: What Your Mama Gave You!
Bring Your Own Whipped Cream."
He went on, and how...
Well, that tore it! Scully's birthday was NOT that Friday, and she
most certainly had not expected thirty grown men to show up at her
apartment clad only in trench coats asking where she wanted the
whipped cream.
The following Monday, Scully stomped into the office and slammed her
briefcase onto the desk. "Just WHAT was that all about?"
"The mud at the door? Sorry, I'll wipe my feet next time... " Mulder
tried to look innocent, among his pencils and open folders, behind that
messy old desk.
"Don't give me that crap, Mulder. The thirty middle-aged perverts with
the whipped cream yelling "Happy Birthday" and making me look like some
sort of... slut in front of my mother and three neighbors."
"Well, Scully. The pot calling the kettle black, hmm? At least I
didn't show up... "
"Thank God, you didn't!" She was so angry she felt as if she was about
to do something violent.
And Mulder saw the rage in her eyes. "Well, I think I can make it up
to you."
"How? How can you possibly undo that?"
Mulder reached into his desk. "With a whipped cream duel!" He threw a can
to Scully and popped the lid on his own, and a whipped cream fight ensued
rather seriously until the pair were on the floor of the office in fits
of laughter.
"Oh, God, Mulder... haha.. I can't get... I can't get mad anymore... That
was too hysterical! The look on your face when you first heard about the
memo... "
"Yeah... " he laughed. "And Scully?"
"Yeah, huh huh, yeah," she had a silly grin on her face.
"I have something to add."
"What's that?"
He crept across the floor and aimed the nozzle of the can down her blouse,
firing the rest of the creamy sweet stuff into her cleavage.
Then, he started to clean it out with his tongue when Skinner walked into
the office...
That's how the agents got into so much trouble, just because they were
bored out of their skulls.
If you're going to write memos as a practical joke, prepare to be
creamed.
END
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