|
Rated: PG-13
Category: MSR, Humor
Spoiler: Hollywood AD
Feedback: patfiler2016@outlook.com
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
WASHINGTON, DC
OFFICE OF THE X-FILES
DECEMBER 2, 2000
8:15 AM
Dana Scully marched indignantly into the office,
dropped her purse on the floor in front of Mulder's
desk and plopped herself into the chair facing him
with a look of resignation on her face.
He looked up from an old file and gave her his full
attention. "What's the matter, Scully? Car trouble again?"
Mulder knew she had been having problems with her vehicle
and assumed the thing had died again. "You should chuck
it for a new one, I told you that a long time ago."
"Mulder, it's been HOW long since that 'Lazarus Bowl' movie
disaster came out?" Her hand was over her eyes as if to
shield herself from embarrassment. Well, it was too late
for that.
"Sixteen months, it flopped, and brought in less money than
the panhandlers at the Capitol Building. Why?"
"Tell me we'll hear the end of this someday, Mulder?
Tell me that?"
He looked at his partner in amazement, and let her continue.
"I would have been in here fifteen minutes ago if I hadn't
felt the need to cloister myself in the main floor ladies'
room to prevent myself from doing something hideous to a few
of the so-called 'ladies' in the typing pool, not to mention
the tour guides and five personal secretaries. In the last
few months I have had to put up with their idle gossip,
rumours that have absolutely NO basis in fact, and bet-making,
along with... "
"Hey! Hold on! Why didn't you tell me this months ago, Scully?
You know we don't keep secrets from each other anymore. We
protect each other's backs. Remember?" He was smiling, but she
wasn't, so he had to control his delight at Scully's full-
fledged rant. "I've been hearing much the same all over the
building myself. So what?"
"Maybe YOU can let it roll off of your back, but Mulder, this
is a Federal Building, and... and... ARGGHHH!"
"And you are not amused. I know. Just the other day, I heard
Chapman and Wells talking about how I was going to blow Skinner's
head off when I found out about that little love nest you have
with him. And the kid."
"The kid?"
"They figured we all staged the abduction thing so you could go
on maternity leave and set up house-keeping with Skinman."
"Skinman? The kid? Oh, that's not the worst of it, Mulder.
Not in the least. Now, Deirdre, Alexis and Lillian have me
cheating on Skinman with you and expecting twins, and wondering
why I haven't gained an ounce of weight because I am in my fourth
month."
"Who are you cheating with?" Mulder wanted to hear it again.
"You," she growled. "And it's not funny. Our personal lives,
whatever they are, I've forgotten, are our own business. Me
cheating on Skinner with you... "
"Well, that wouldn't be too bad. But the lack of weight gain
with twins... " He shook his head in mock disappointment.
"MULDERRR! All these rumours have to be put to an end, or
they'll start putting us into a three-some in some Niagara
Falls bubble bath!"
"I already heard that one, Scully. And frankly, I would
prefer a two-some with the woman of my dreams. Tea Leoni."
"Tea Leoni? Ha!" Scully had to laugh at that, but the fury
was still going between her ears. "Believe me, I've had to
sign her autograph sixteen times in my own neighbourhood
this year."
"I meant you." That was no consolation. "Look. I think the
only way we can get through this is to ignore it, Scully.
Make them think we're totally oblivious to it all."
"Maybe they should get real jobs," she retorted. "Like
Hollywood gossip columnists. IF they can type."
"Let me think about this a bit. Revenge may be sweet, but
a dish best served cold. Now, let's go over the report on
the Alabama case... "
"You're right. We are here to work. I have the autopsy
report ready to go... "
Three days later, Mulder had come up with an idea. The key
to it's success would be Scully's co-operation. They
discussed it over the phone at night so as to have complete
privacy.
DECEMBER 5, 2000
11:21 PM
"Scully. Do you know what time it is, Mulder?"
"Yeah, Scully. Our usual chit-chat time. And I've come up
with a plan that just might work."
"Does it involve weapons, Mulder? Because I'm about ready
for that after having cocktails with Sylvia and Barb."
"You do know Cindy Fairmont," he said with a grin.
"Cindy Fairmont?" she sleepily asked. "Umm... yeah. Married
to Brian Fairmont for two years, just found out she's having
a baby... "
"Let's give her a baby shower in Skinner's outer office. I
called Kimberly and set it up. But... "
"But what? I don't think I like what I'm about to hear,
Mulder."
"Well, maybe not. But it would be fun."
"Maybe for you."
"Just hear me out, okay? Skinner's at a seminar for the whole
week. Kimberly hates all this gossip as much as we do because
Skinner's been hearing some really wild stuff about himself...
so... "
"So, they've woven the fabric and we get to embroider? IS that
what you're saying?" Scully yawned.
"Why, yes. And I think you'll actually enjoy it. Painless for
us, embarrassing for them, and free of charge. No strings
attached."
"No strings?"
"None. If they're as good at eaves-dropping as they are at
story telling, we have them where we want them. Then we nab
them."
"Well, I guess it beats hearing about me running naked
through the park yelling, *I'm not through yet, Mulder*."
Click.
"They said THAT? Hello? Scully?" Mulder put the receiver
down and his head on the pillow, chuckling to himself, the
thought of his partner actually r u n n i n g n a k e d
and not being *through* with him leading to a fantastic
dream.
Three days later, the ground work had been done. All bases
had been covered.
Kimberly began greeting the shower guests into the
beautifully decorated outer office, while Mulder waited
behind the locked door of Skinner's inner sanctum.
As the gifts piled up, the women were munching on sweets
and waiting for Cindy Fairmont. The gossip mill was going
at high tilt when Scully walked in with her gift, smiling
brightly.
"Hi! So where's the guest of honour?"
"Hi, Dana! She'll be here in a minute. C'mon, sit down and
rest your feet. You must be... "
"I think I'll make a phone call first. Kim, can I use A.D.
Skinner's phone? I know it's against the rules, but this
is kinda important. Promised my brother a word about Mom."
Kimberly unlocked the door. "Go ahead, I'm sure it's not a
major crime or anything. Don't be too long, though. Cindy's
on her way up from across town."
"Thank you." Scully entered Skinner's Office and closed the
door, making sure to secure the lock.
"Ready?" Mulder asked, smiling like the Cheshire Cat.
"As ready as I'll ever be. I know what to say; you know what
to say, so let's get this over and done with."
Mulder put a finger to his lips and switched on the intercom.
Scully nodded, then said her first lines: "Here? Are you
crazy?"
"Only about you, Mrs. Spooky. Come here, you... I hope you
wore the thong... "
The girls outside were giggling and talking. Silence took
over as they listened intently for more.
"You know I did. Ohh, yeah... I love that! More so I can
savour every bit... "
"My belt... you know.. you have the way... ahh, what a
relief."
"My, Mulder... things are looking up... "
"Can't stop now, party girl. The desk, just up on it and
forget the papers... Ah... you ARE a vixen... "
"Mmm... tiger... ahh... ahhh... ahhh... " She became
louder and the desk seemed to be knocked around a lot.
"NOW!!!"
The outer room fell silent as everyone intently listened,
and Cindy arrived to receive her presents.
"What's up?" she innocently asked.
Everone laughed hysterically, at which time Mulder and
Scully, fully clothed and without as much as a hair out
of place, came out of Skinner's private office and stared
at some of the main contributors to the recent gossip.
"Hope you're satisfied," Scully stared at them in their
seats.
"I am," Mulder quipped. "The rumor mill is closed down,
ladies. I think A.D. Skinner will be most pleased by our
efforts, don't you, Scully?"
"I most certainly do. Oh, girls, the next time you're in
the cafeteria, you never know who'll be wearing a wire,"
she smiled. "Thanks for being a good sport, Cindy."
"Any time, Dana. And thanks for the added bonus!"
"You're welcome." Scully took Mulder by the arm. "C'mon,
big boy. We have some *work* to do in the basement."
"Lead on, my pet."
Among the gifts, was a card that said, "Wishing you all
the best, Mrs. Spooky."
END
|
