Pattie's Pocketful of X-Fics

He's Doing It; Now She's Doing It

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Title: He's Doing It. Now She's Doing It.

Author: Pattie

Spoiler: He's Doing It Again.


Summary: I don't know what got into Scully.
Maybe Mulder.

Archive: Gossamer. If you want it, please
have the courtesy to ask.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter, 1013 Productions
and Fox Studios own Mulder and Scully.
I play with them and put them right back,
but not into Carter's Universe.

Yes, I know. I like to have fun with them.
Serious philes, please don't be offended!

December 5,
10:30 PM EST

It's three weeks until Christmas, and getting a
tad chilly in the room where I write. I don't
mind, though, because I'm writing about my two
favorite characters in fan fiction. Now, where
was I?

Mulder lay listless on the floor of the
abandoned warehouse, as Scully took his pulse.
The puddle of blood beside him grew larger, but
he was still able to speak in a whisper.


"Hang on, Mulder. We caught Raymond. You'd better
save your strength."

"No," he whispered, his eyes pleading with Scully.
"I need to tell you something."

"It can wait," she softly assured him. "With all
the insanity and blood-shed of the past couple of
days, I think it can wait. You couldn't have
known Raymond was a latter day
Jack the Ripper... "

"But it wasn't him, Scully!" It took all Mulder's
strength to utter the words, and he felt as though
he was passing out.

"Are you saying there's someone else? That he
had an accomplice? Where are the damn

"He... he has a twin, Sc- Scully."

"A twin? A monozygotic twin brother?" Scully
arched a brow. "Look, even if he does what's more
important right now is that we get you to the

Ow! Geesh. There's no one else in this room, and
I feel like someone just pinched me.

"I did. You know, all this insipid hovering over
Mulder, the arched eyebrow, the 'Scully Look', and
the ten dollar words are getting to be annoying."

Now, I think that was a female's voice. It sounded
kind of familiar, but as I'm a little tired, I think
I can safely say no one else is here but me.

"What the hell are you doing with me now?"

Now I'm hearing things for certain.

"Yes, you are. So, here I am! Deal with it!"

Hey! You're Scully. I can't see or hear you,
though. So, it must be time to take my meds
and get to bed. Goodnight. We can do the story

"Wait right there, Miss! You turn that computer
off and I'll still follow you around, because I
have a few things to say about Mulder and me."

Now I get it. Mulder bugged me a year ago
January, so now you want your turn. Look, this
is only fan fiction. There are plenty of other
people out there you can bug right now. Susan
just posted something, Vickie is working on a
story, Skinfull definitely has something up her
sleeve. Why me?"

"Gotta start somewhere, Pattie. Now, why am
I always the one who leans over Mulder and calls
the EMS?"

Well... needless to say, you are his partner.
You know, you have his back, he has yours.

"Not always. Sometimes I'm not around. Why
couldn't I have been somewhere else, already
hunting down this twin brother?"

This is the way I am writing the story right

"Well, it just always seems you put me in
that scenario. I'm always rescuing Mulder,
when in fact I could be bringing in the collar,
even solving the whole case by myself!"

Doesn't somebody want to be wanted like me...

"Stop singing when I'm talking to you. I see
no connection between this and the Ed Jerse
tattoo episode."

Well, I beg to differ with you, Agent Scully.
It sounds like you're trying to tell me you
want something more powerful when I put your
dialogue into my stories.

"Precisely! As for Mulder always getting so
injured, and losing his gun, getting into odd
predicaments where only I can rescue him... "

Those are your characters as laid out by your
creator, Chris Carter. You know that. Remember
all the series writers who developed your

"Must you writers dwell on those things so much?
There is a lot more to Mulder, and a lot more to
me, as a matter of fact, than you write!"

Well, before you get your shirt tied in a knot,
Scully, why don't I put you two into a wonderful
NC-17 bodice-ripper of a smutfic, and then put
myself out of character?

"Because you don't do that. You do have a point,
I'll concede that."

Thank you. Look, I know that both of you
characters grew and developed since the first
season of the show, and you definitely knew each
other a lot better by the time The Truth was out.

"Yes, we did. But, in fact, I have seen so many
interpretations of our characters by writers just
during the first season alone, and then some really
ridiculous ones even from you by the time you wrote
about the seventh season and even after The Truth,
that I have to say it gets frustrating for us to
keep track of where we are at any given time!"

Why should that bother you? It's true that there are
so many versions of you and Mulder, as well as so many
writers, but we only mean the things we write in a
flattering way, you know. Haven't you noticed that
lately I'm trying to stick as close to the series
version of you as possible?

"Well, I'll grant you that. But how many times have
you written a story from my point of view? A 'Scully
POV' as you call it?"

Only a couple of times. But it's not that I don't
enjoy writing you, it's just something that hasn't
come into my mind that often. I will try to do one
again, in the future. It's a matter of imagination,
challenge, sometimes just subconscious prompts.

"I realize that. But in one of your stories from my
point of view, I was drunk the day before Christmas
Eve, and you had me spouting off to my Journal, then
writing a hot-headed letter to Mulder... "

Which you didn't give him. Face it, you were angry
as hell at him for leaving town while a report had
to be written up. Well, Scully, I do remember that
in 'Dear Undear Mulder', he did in fact show up with
a vase that his mother wanted you to have. Am
I right?

"Point taken, and you had me forgive him. What's
that over there?"

I'm not falling for that. Didn't Mulder tell you?
I never let the characters touch the keyboard or
look at the other stories I have when they come to
prod me. Well, especially Mulder. Make that Mulder's
the only one who's come to bug me as you are doing
this evening, but he tries to change my words and
I forbid him from doing so. Besides, I can erase
whatever you say at any given moment. So, where have
you been that you haven't come to bug me before?

"I've been busy. I'm in so many stories right

Right. You've had since 1994 to bother the
writers, and they have indicated that most of the
time Mulder is the one to say, "Hey wait a minute!
What the heck are you doing to us?" So, where have
you been that you couldn't poke us and chastise
us for our rendition of you, Scully? Are you
afraid of confronting us?

"Well, no, not really... "

You know, it's usually Mulder who's so hesitant
to speak, and here you are actually stumbling over
your words. If you want me to write your part in a
story more strongly and brilliantly, all you need
to do is let me know, or leave a message with
one of the readers who give me feedback. They're
representing you when they praise or object to
anything I have had you do or say.

"You're right, Pattie. But get this straight--
the next time I come to your place, I'm going to
be stronger and more vociferous in my opinion."

I realize that. Now, would you please let me
get back to what I was doing? It's getting very

"Well, I do have a few other people on my list.
Especially Daydreamer, Philiator, a few of the
folks in England, Germany, Ireland, Brazil... "

I think you'd better go to the US first. It's
closer, and there are a heck of a lot of writers
down there. I mean across the border.

"That's where I'm headed. Oh, I almost
forgot... "


"Try not to injure Mulder so much. It gets in
the way of the apprehension of the criminals,
and the exposure of The Conspiracy, not to
mention the brief interludes of personal

Noted. Thanks for the visit. I'll make note
of everything you've said. Scully? Hmm, I
guess she's gone. Well, at least she doesn't
bring a chill to the room like Mulder does
when he bothers me. It is getting a bit
chilly in here, come to think of it.

"Did I hear my name?"

On no...

I'll tell you folks some other time. It's going
to be a rough visit, I believe. Yeah, him.