Pattie's Pocketful of X-Fics

He's Ba-ack!

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Rated: G, Mindless Fluff

Category: H, Vignette, M POV

Summary: Mulder visits (read "haunts") the
author near the Second Birthday of Mulder's Refuge.

Archive: Gossamer. Others please ask.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. If \i did,
my name would be Chris Carter, and I would be
owning 1013 Productions and using Fox Studios'
resources and hirelings.

FEBRUARY 1, 2005
11:30 PM

This is great! I haven't had an idea for a story
in a few days now, and I'm finally plotting out
another adventure for Mulder and Scully. The news
is just a bit too depressing to watch right now,
so what the heck. 11:30 and I'm not sleepy yet.

As Mulder crept his way along the dusty desert in
search of water, black helicopters raced across the
state in search of the AWOL Agent. If he didn't
find water soon, he'd die. Scully was nowhere in
sight, thank God. Perhaps the merciless Dr. Verdana
had spared her life. Perhaps he had been apprehended
by now, and Scully was searching for Mulder.

There was a 50-50 chance those helicopters approaching
were there to rescue him. Mulder suspected that the
shadow government wanted him dead, so he crawled
behind a small mound of rocks hoping the...

"What are you doing?" A suspiciously recognizable voice
seems to ask me.

Hey. I didn't write that. I hear a commentator's
voice on the TV. Maybe that's where that voice
originated. Anyhow... back to the desert.

... hoping the 'copters were looking to rescue him.


I thought I heard a man clearing his throat. Well,
there's no man here. Silly me. Jumpy tonight.
I think I'll cut off the caffeine for the duration.

All he could think of was the sadistic doctor and his
allegiance to the experiments that had been inflicted

"I asked you what you were doing?" That voice. Oh no...

Oh. Mulder? Haven't you someone else to poke? I
hear there are a couple of challenges that need
entering, and a couple of writers need some inspiration.
Want their names?

"No. So, this business of the desert, experiments, a
doctor, me in the desert dying of dehydration... do
you really think that's fair? I mean, surely you can
put Scully and me into a humorous romp around the
Hoover, a little basement afternoon delight, or a nice
musical motel rooms story."

Mulder, you know I don't do that. I'm sure Scully knows
I don't do that. How is she, by the way?

"A lot better after you had her depressed back in 1996.
At least in that one, you had me healthy, in one piece
and strong. That was The Cupcake. Now this bit about
me crawling in the desert... "

Well, Mulder, it's part of what I write for a certain
community that has a monthly challenge, and I'm just
getting started on the March contest, so please, just
let me drop you into a hole with some black oil
deposit and we'll get this over with...

"Oh, you're writing for a certain community, all right.
Let's see. Okay, now if I remember correctly, in the
past year I have been sea sick, ship-wrecked, trapped
in a hurricane, had nails driven through various limbs,
broken one leg, both legs, one arm, both arms, suffered
strokes, been stricken blind, lost my lawsuit against a
certain group in your little 'community', and even had
horrific nightmares, then headaches, train crashes,
snake bites, gunshot wounds, concussions, infec-

Well, I'm afraid it's your own doing, Mulder. Losing
your gun so many times, getting implants, dying and
coming back to life, experiencing missing time, going
to an unethical regression therapist. You do remember
drinking vodka and orange juice in a motel room, and
being drugged with chloral hydrate on the small screen,

"Yeah. Oh, I remember all those things, all right. I
also recall that I was lured to a nice, safe haven
with my name on it. Once I entered their 'refuge',
my life became one heck of a mess. It's been two
years of agony, mental AND physical, and I have
had... "

You have had more attention and exposure in fanfic
lately than you've had in most areas served by TV, cable
or aerial, and more reader attention than you would have
if no one wrote about you and Scully, and the others, at
this time. Now, these past two years, we have made you
suffer. We admit it fully. We even love to do it. But,
you do receive Scully Comfort, and you have to admit some
of the captions under pictures of you are funny. So, I
think you've actually reamed us out enough. Do you
really think I'm silly enough to think you only came to
complain about how I treat you? I know you meant every
accusation here for all the folks at Mulder's Refuge,
didn't you? Just as much as you meant it when you wished
us "Happy Birthday" last year?

"Oh, a mind reader."

No, I just know you.
"All right. I admit it. I'm flattered. It's nearly February 10,
thanks for the special calendar, by the way, and Happy Second
Birthday Mulder's Refuge. There. I said it. Now, about the story..."

Another time. Shoo! If you can't keep your nose out
of this, leave before I enlist everyone at MR to have
you in jeopardy! Heh heh, Mulder in Jeopardy!

"Hey! I know what every one of you are wearing!"

I can still erase you. It's fun to highlight and delete.

"Yeah? Just try, you little... "

I did. Good night, Mulder.


Author's Note: This is dedicated to all those members
at Mulder's Refuge who have dedicated these past two
years to keeping Mulder hopping and Scully up on her
medical practice. Without them, it just isn't much
fun doing the beleaguered FBI Agents thing. After all,
these characters do have a dangerous job.

Mulder, Scully and the X-Files belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Studios.  No money is made by me in writing these stories, and no copyright infringement is intended. 
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