Pattie's Pocketful of X-Fics

Even If She Did Get Her M and M's Keychain!

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Rated: NC-13
 
Category: MA, MT, UST
 
Timeframe: Season 1
 
 
 
 
Am I ever going to get her! Oh, she's a wonderful partner, don't
get me wrong. The storage capacity that brain of hers has for
the art of medicine, chemistry, and Einstein's paradox is
unfathomable. (Her lips look so... now, now. Okay, sexy.
NEVER tell her I said that).
 
I swear, this December, on exactly the twelfth day before the
jolly old fellow comes to town and I sit at home growing mold,
she set my mouse pad on fire after having spilled acetone on it.
Acetone? That was to remove some old, old paint splash off of my
desk. And, she stole a smoke in the office while I was upstairs
getting some air. (Stressed, she claimed. Holidays.)
 
Day eleven before Christmas, I generously offered her a ride home,
as her car was in the garage, She invited me into her apartment,
and brought me a hot chocolate to warm myself. She handed me a
slightly dirty, but (very) funny Christmas card, and I spilled
it right into my lap.The mug rolled under the couch with the
giant dust bunny, but I couldn't move until she brought me some
ice for the damaged ding-a-ling. "Got the hots?"  She chided me.
"Sorry, Mulder."
 
Sure you are.
 
The tenth day? As I was recovering from the singed family jewels,
I arrived home from the office to an apartment as steamy as a
sauna.  A hot water pipe had broken. Oh, I know I can't pin THAT
one on Scully. Maybe she has a voodoo doll of me, come to think
of it. I have ditched her three times in the past month while on
the road. Hmmm... mental note: Look for voodoo doll if I ever go
to her place again.
 
Nine days before Christmas, I had still tender privates and no
hot water. To the office I went. Accounting departments have no
sympathy for agents who lose their cell phones and flashlights.
I must pay for the flashlights I am issued from now on, until they
are satisfied I have been good. Scrooge was such a nice fellow in
comparison
 
Eight days before Christmas, Scully told me of the wonderful
party her family has every year, followed by the Christmas morning
roll call family dinner, and talk of their childhood memories of
a nice, warm Christmas. So, I sat in the dark in my apartment,
remembering how my father said we couldn't afford that toboggan
I wanted. Mom later told me that she never forgave him for
denying a six-year-old boy a toboggan. He drank away all the money.
I also remembered the first Christmas without Samantha and I cried.
Mental note: Never tell Miss Burn the Balls.
 
Seven days before Christmas, Scully gave me the most endearing
thing I have ever seen: a flying saucer  mouse pad with holly
around the wide part of the saucer. I reached over to get her
present from the top of a file cabinet. Stupid paper shredder
was still on and my tie got drawn into it! Nearly choked. She
quickly turned the machine off and just couldn't stop laughing.
Her present? A year's subscription to OMNI magazine. I want to
cancel the order.
 
Six days before Christmas and me still having the will to live,
Scully invited me out to dinner to make up for all the torment
the past few days had brought. When I get out of hospital, I
will call the Health Department to complain about that place.
How long can you keep KFC safely under hot lights in a warmer?
 
Five days before Christmas, Scully visited me in the hospital,
and tripped over my I.V. lead between the pole and me, because
I wanted to get a look at her new cell phone . Ha! Tit for tat.
But she fell into my tender loin.
 
Four days before Christmas, my system was so much better and
the hospital released me. Scully came to my apartment to check
on me that evening, and gave me a present. I was not to open
it until Christmas morning, she instructed me. She took my
temperature, changed the channel for me, and we watched "A
Christmas Carol" in  my living room. Well, at least until the
cable went out. A blizzard had hit the area.  To top that off,
she was going to stay with me all night. Had to keep raging
hormones and resentment for the past week at bay. Talk about
painful. Mental note: No hot chocolate ever again at Scully's
place.
 
Three days before Christmas, someone found one of my many lost
cell phones and was making obscene calls to Scully. She came
over to my place just to slap me because she thought I was
making all the lewd suggestions. Wish I had!
 
Two days before Christmas, I had a ream of paperwork to finish
before closing up the office for a week, and Scully caught the
'flu. She was at home and had been contagious the day before.
So, guess who puked all over my finalized report on our last
case? I hate homework when I'm sick, sick and burned, and sick.
 
The day before Christmas, I realized I was a selfish idiot:
She has saved my ass many times, and even though lately we have
had a run of mishaps and bad luck, she really deserves a gift.
Even though every year we go through the "I thought we agreed"
bit, I delivered her gift: an M and M's key chain. Her smile
was worth it all. And she gave me a new tie. She has my taste!
(I think we're compatible. Don't tell her that.)
 
On Christmas Day, as I sneeze, blow and barf my way through all
the old movies, canned chicken noodle soup and ginger ale, I
realize as I look at all that has happened this month: I'm still
going to get her for all those things that were absolutely
uncalled for!
 
Even if she did get her M and M's key chain! Hmmmph!!!
 

Disclaimer: Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox Studios still
own the rights to The X-Files and its characters. I intend no
copyright infringement and gather no money from writing  fan
fiction.