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One of Those Darn Clumsy Uber-Mulders
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Rated: PG
Category: Mulder Torture, Angst.
Spoilers/Timing: Season 7
Summary: A nice drive in the desert to meet a source has
Mulder suffering severely.
Archive: Gossamer, any other nice home. Please ask first.
Disclaimer: They both belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen and
Fox Studios. But they're free right now, so we can dust them off
for a bit and play!
Author's Note: This story was written for the May 2004 Challenge
at Mulder's Refuge.
"Another long drive into the Nevada desert. So, Mulder, when do
we get canned so we can live a normal life?"  Scully was feeling
the heat and made no effort to hide her resentment that the
agents were once again chasing one of Mulder's leads on aliens.
"C'mon, Scully. It's so warm and sunny out here. Besides, Kersh
hasn't given us anything interesting lately." Mulder mopped his
brow. "I thought we could use a nice drive anyway. Beats
fertilizer fraud and profiling, doesn't it?"
"In the Nevada desert. Mulder, if he gets wind that we're out
here again, we're out for good. The thought that my next resume
will read "kicked out of the F.B.I. for alien hunting" just
never entered my wildest dreams."
"Gotta learn to dream, G-woman. Besides, I've heard some of
your, well, less than tame dreams through thin motel room
"And you thought I was sent to spy on you." she laughed.
"Yeah, I guess the heat is getting to me, Mulder. So, who is
this source this time?"
"He... wants to remain anonymous."
"Of course. Another psycho from the Rachel Psychiatric Ward. Look,
I know how you want to get all the evidence you can. Believe me I
do. But sometimes, we've been out here for God-awful nothing, and
come back with nothing."  she remained silent for a few moments.
Mulder was high on the anticipation that he could have a plausible
piece of evidence to justify re-opening The X-Files. She wasn't
going to deny him his wish. He just seemed fatigued. His face was
pale and he was sweating much more than she was. "Mulder?  Are you
feeling okay?"
"Yeah, yeah Scully. I'm okay. Why?"
"Just being your partner as well as your doctor. You don't really
look as well as you did when we left the  Lariat lot."
"Maybe it's just been a long drive. A few more miles and we'll get
a motel... "
Just then there was the familiar sound of a tire going flat.
"Stay on the shady side Scully. I'll take care of it."
"Why don't you have some water before you do," Scully insisted,
handing him a bottle.
"Thanks." He caught the bottle, took a sip, then opened the
car trunk. "Scully, did you ever wonder if we should check for
a jack and a spare when we take these rentals out?"
"Aww, Mulder!" Scully was enraged. "Why now? All the way out here!
God knows how far the next town is and here we are stucK in
the... " She went on for quite some time before she realized Mulder
was slumping against the trunk he'd just closed. She ran around to
the rear of the car and just eased him into the shade at the side
of the sedan. "Okay.  Take it easy. I want to get my medical bag
and check you out."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere, am I?" he muttered. "Sorry, Scully.
I guess I should have told you I was feeling something coming on."
"Yeah, well, let's just take your temperature here, and do a blood
pressure reading. Then I want a look at your throat." She felt the
lymph nodes in her partner's throat. They were swollen. Badly
swollen. "Well, you do have a pretty high fever, and a very red
throat. I think you should get into the car. We can put on the air
conditioning, and flag someone down for some help. Can you try to
Neither of them were aware that there was a rattlesnake crossing
the road. He was on his way underneath the car, and when Mulder
suddenly moved, the instinct for self-protection in that rattler
kicked in. He nabbed Mulder on the outer side of his left calf.
"Aaaahhhgh! Damn!" Mulder shouted. He had been bitten on his right
calf, as well!
"Don't move. He'll do it again!" Scully shot the offending snake.
"Aren't you glad I'm a good shot? Mulder, we have to work fast
here. I don't have any anti-venom in my bag, so just bear with
me. Now, I'm just going to give you a topical anaesthetic, make an
incision right here, and suck the venom out. DO NOT MOVE!"
"Just... just hurry, Scully. Do what you have to and get it over
with." The grimace was enough to say he was in sheer agony.
Scully applied a tourniquette to stop the snake venom from
travelling far from the bites, then went to work, spitting out
the contaminated blood as her partner lay watching her. He was in
awe of her tolerance for the blood and guts of her profession. He
was in awe of her inventiveness when given a challenge. The topical
anaesthetic must have been the mild brand, because he was still
feeling the sharp bite of that rattler.
"Aaaagh! AUUUGH!!!" When she had finished the job, he felt rather
sheepish, especially about the position he had just put her into.
"Scully, I'm... "
"I know.  You're sorry."  Scully took a swig of Mulder's bottled
water and washed the remaining blood out of her mouth. "Drink
this. Then we'll get you into the car. I'll put on the emergency
flashers. We've got to get out of this sun." At least the car
had air-conditioning.
By the time help did arrive, it was 3:00 in the afternoon, three
hours after the tire had flattened. A pick-up truck was headed
for the next town, and dropped them off at a motel in Rachel,
Scully checked them into their rooms, and called the nearest
garage to have the car repaired.
"Well, the tow truck should have picked up the car by now," she
said over cold beer and warm pizza. There was a monster movie
playing in Mulder's room. The clock read 7:54 pm. "Guess you'll
just have to meet your source some other time, Mulder."
"Yeah, I guess. Hey, Scully?"
"Why is my neck so swollen?"
"Oh, well, the doctor I brought in while you were napping
said it's the mumps."
"Mumps? Yeah, I sorta feel like The Blob on the screen right
"Mumps. Don't worry.  A mild case really. Just hope it
"Scully, never mind. I know where it can go, I really do. But
I'm fine... down... down there."
"I think I should check you out, Mulder. It could affect your
fertility should you want to... "
Mulder pulled his blanket up to his neck. "No, um, that's all
right.Besides, who'd want to have a father who's paranoid, runs
around after aliens, and ends up in the wrong place at the
wrong time?"
"One of those darn clumsy Uber-Mulders, I guess," Scully


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