A collaborative effort by Pattie, Mae'chii and Erin
Blair a.k.a. Mulder's refugees.
Archive: If you really want to that's fine by us.
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Kersh
and The X-Files are owned by Chris Carter,
Ten Thirteen, and Fox Studios. No money is
earned from this lunacy...errr fanfic, and we intend
no copyright infringement.
Authors' Note: This is a group effort.
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
OFFICE OF THE X-FILES
"Mulder, what is this?" asked Scully.
"It's a frog, Scully."
"I know it's a frog, but what's it doing here at the
"It's my new pet. I caught it yesterday at the park, but I hurt
my toe catching it."
Scully rolled her eyes as if to say it 'served him right'. "Only
you can manage that, Mulder. What did you do this time?"
He cringed and managed to halt an embarrassed heat rising
over his face in mid-flush. He blinked and chewed on his lower
lip. "Errr, I don't think you want to know, Scully."
His partner nailed him with an ice blue stare, one eyebrow
rising dangerously close to her hairline. She said nothing.
Mulder began to fidget. He gulped a breath and pursed his lips
with the exhale, his eyes flickering around her, not meeting her
focused gaze. "Sculleee..." he whined hoarsely.
"Nothin' doin', Mulder, " she warned. "Spill. Frog."
"So, how did you fall anyway, G-man?" Scully asked.
Mulder's face turned into a beet red. "I, uh, tripped."
Mulder nodded. "It's so embarrassing, Scully."
Now Scully's curiosity was piqued. "On what?"
"I tripped and fell down over a hose."
Scully's face twisted in amused skepticism. "Mulder....a hose?
In the park? I'd think a park would be watered either left to
nature or using an underground sprinkling system in some places.
Which park, Mulder? Don't tell me you ran into an X-file right on
our door step?"
Mulder grinned sheepishly. "Uhh, as a matter of fact...."
"The hose or the frog?"
Mulder knew he had that terrible quirk of umming and ahhing
he felt he was a bad little boy being confronted by 'Mommy Dearest
Scully'. He even knew when he was blushing, and right now he was
a nice shade of Bing cherry.
"Okay... Scully, this is going to sound really out..."
"Never mind. Most of your clumsier explanations are. Get to it."
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Well, the hose... the hose
was running from the fountain, where I was letting the frog play. A frog...
likes... well, anything resembling a pond. Anyhow, he jumped out over
the other side of the pond and I ran after him. That's when I tripped over
the hose. A middle-aged man with... remember the bump on the back
of 'their' necks? Anyway, he was siphoning off water for some reason I
cannot begin to guess. I fell over the hose, picked myself up, and then
he was coming at me with a rake."
"A rake? Farmer Brown doing a little gardening, alien style?" Scully
rolled her eyes and shook her head. The man was aggravating at times.
"Mulder, I have heard some crazy stories, but this takes the cake!"
"Would it ease your mind if I said it was a lawn rake and not a soil rake?"
A boyish grin normally would have warmed his partner up a little, but not
"Okay, okay... I think I'm all right on this. I think I have it straight. Now, how
would this ever fit into, say, your adventures in the colony of clones
raising plants for the bees? That is what you're going to propose, isn't it?"
Finally! Yes! She is enlightened! "Congratulations, Agent Scully. You have
learned well from the master. Your deductive abilities have reached a very
Scully smacked Mulder's desk. "First a frog, now alien gardeners. In the
park. Related to the colony. Now, I'm just about to have a hangover."
"You aren't drinking, Scully."
"I will be, in about an hour. Trying to get away from the images in my head.
Mulder, just WHAT are you going to tell Skinner and Kersh, and even your
dry cleaner? I'll get a bed for you on the psych ward before I start on the
Bam! Mulder's forehead met the desk in his disbelief and frustration.
"Gee, Scully, what will it take for you to believe even a simple thing
as how I tripped in the park? Sheesh. The gardeners left their
equipment in the park. I was walking... thinking about our recent case
when I tripped on the hose while I was watching a frog. Then this
gardener came after me with a rake... I swear to you, Scully, I'm telling
you the honest truth here. I wouldn't lie about something like this,"
Mulder said. His anger was pouring through his veins. "When I fell on
the garden path near the oak tree, I hurt my toe."
"That's how you caught this frog?"
Mulder nodded. "Yes. Now do you believe me?"
"No," Scully said simply.
Mulder moaned. His head was pounding. "I think I'm going to have a
headache." Then he fainted.
After the curvaceous, brunette resident gave Mulder a cursory
examination, she sat on the stool in the cubicle. "Mr. Mulder, all things
considered, you have a bump on the head, and you should also try not to
fall asleep. If you do fall asleep, I suggest either a friend or alarm clock to
wake you every four hours. It's just a precaution. You may have a mild
Mulder couldn't help but notice the young doctor's porcelain skin and full,
cerise lips.Scully couldn't help but give her partner that "Down, boy" look.
"Uh, huh. Well, come on Scully. We have to get back to work." Mulder
drew a curtain around his cot and proceeded to get dressed.
Scully took the young doctor aside. "Look, is there anything else I need to
know? I'm his personal physician."
"His blood pressure is a bit on the high side, Dr. Scully. He has to learn to
manage stress. I think given the nature of his work, there's quite a lot of
"Yes, and perhaps he does need some time off. We've been all over the
country and back up until this week. Thanks, Doctor Meisner."
"You're welcome. Get him to 'chill out'. His reflexes are more indicative of
stress than reaction time."
Scully looked at Mulder who was laying down on the hospital bed.
"Exercise will relieve your stress, Mulder. It's a common medical fact."
"I get plenty of exercise, Scully," Mulder said with a tired frown. Trying to
second guess Scully's reactions was sport enough. "Really."
"Umm, that's not what I had in mind."
"What exactly did you have in mind?" Mulder asked. His interest was
"Do you really want to know?"
"Let's just say that's for me to know and you to find out. When you get
released here, I will surprise you with something," Scully said mysteriously.
Seeing Mulder through the next twenty-four hours was easy enough for
Scully. As she was known for falling asleep with regularity every 16 hours,
just as any other human, the alarm clock woke Mulder a couple of times as
well. She awoke on his couch to the second ring of the alarm.
Nature had mad another beautiful day in Alexandria. The sun shone defiantly
in the sky as small clouds drifted by. They were not a large enough army to
form a storm system. The day was going to be bright, warm and carefree.
Groggily, Scully put Mulder's coffee maker to work and washed her face.
Mulder was still fast asleep after having slapped the alarm off again.
"On no you don't," she shook Mulder. "Awake and face the day. C'mon.
Rise and shine."
Mulder pried his eyes open and hoarsely answered her. "Why don't we
head to the office right away. Just you and me against the weirdos and
She had to laugh. "No, that's too stressful. Remember, you have a
prescription for relaxation, and while you were dozing off late last night, I
put in an order for two plane tickets to Florida."
Mulder sat bolt upright. That was something he never would have heard
of Scully surfing for. "Plane tickets? Scully. You HATE to fly."
"And you hate to relax, so we're both even. Time to compromise.
Coffee's ready. We both have time to shower and get packed. I'll have you
at the airport by 1:00 this afternoon. I've paid for the tickets, Mulder. My
Scully grabbed a pillow and gave him a swat on the back with it. After all,
concussions were no laughing matter. By the time he flew it should have
passed. "Up we get. It's past eight."
"We're going on a plane and you hate flying..." His words missed their
target. Scully was already pouring coffee.
"Yes," she whispered to herself. She felt her nerves on amber alert.
"I need to learn to relax as well. I may as well worry about Mulder AND
Mulder and Scully were relaxing on a drive up the Florida coast. They
found a spot where there was nobody there. Luckily, the teenagers and
college students were already finished with their spring break in
Mulder wrapped his arms around Scully. "This is nice..."
"I know," she murmured. She felt wonderful. The fresh air did wonders
to their scantily clad bodies. "I wish we could do this all the time,
He leered at her as she stretched out on a towel. hoping she wouldn't
notice his eyes were fixed somewhere around her bikini top."I know."
"Are you all right?"
Mulder smiled at her. "I feel good, Scully. We should go on vacations
more often." He paused. "There's something I need to tell you."
"You look beautiful today."
Suspicion had become a regular personality trait for Scully. So, the
smile that had graced her face turned to a questioning stare. "You've been
in touch with Frohike, Langley and Byers, haven't you? Mulder, spill the
beans, because I don't intend to use this opportunity to take you away from
stress if you're going to flatter me, thinking you can get me hooked into
some investigation of clones running the motel, five-foot long leeches who
exsanguinate bodies, or missing models who are actually aliens
under cover... "
Mulder put two fingers to her lips. "Oh, no. I swear. Nothing odd has traversed
my internet connections, the phone hasn't summoned my curiosity to any
freaky, though interesting, occurrences, not even messages from beyond the
grave. All I want to know is this: Where are those sandwiches? I'm starved!"
Scully playfully dumped sand in his hair and for the first time in months actually
had a whole-hearted, loud laugh. "Okay, okay! They're in the basket."
"At least I won't need a keycard to gain access," Mulder quipped. "Sorry, force
"That's right. No shoptalk. Enjoy your sandwich and lemonade."
"Mmmm. Egg salad is my favorite!"
Mulder ate the sandwich. He always loved egg salad sandwiches, but after
awhile, he wished that he had picked something else at the deli. He felt so sick. He
wished he had Scully's delicious looking pastrami sandwich instead. "Scully... "
Scully noticed that Mulder was looking very sick all of a sudden. "Mulder, are you
"No, I'm not."
She watched him leap up and head for a dune where he proceeded to throw up. "I
think it's salmonella poisoning, Mulder." She got the towels and then helped him
"Thank you for taking care of me, Scully. Next time I'll have something else."
It had become a necessity for Scully to carry a cell phone everywhere where
Mulder was concerned. She called for an ambulance, and smoothed his forehead as
he lay on a blanket. "Mulder, what did you have on the plane?"
"Just let me know."
"Sunflower seeds, AHHH! Cramps."
"Okay, just stay calm. What did you have for breakfast?"
"Eggs sunny side up, bacon, toast, coffee... Why?"
"Well, that sandwich wouldn't cause you to get this sick this soon. Eggs sunny side
up are not a good idea these days, Mulder. With the cramped conditions they raise
chickens in, and the mass production of eggs, salmonella is becoming increasingly
"Scully, I need to get to a ... "
"There's a bush over there." She helped him to the shrub, and then turned to give
him some privacy. "They're here, Mulder."
"Okay," he said as he stumbled, then fell on his face in the sand.
Mulder remembered hearing Scully order an I.V. and that was all. He was in and out
of consciousness in the Emergency Room. After Scully had paced the halls, read
some magazines and looked in on him, he woke to her smiling face.
"Hey." She was smiling. Good. Nothing to be angry about or sorry for."
"Hey. What do we do now?"
"You rest. There's a heavy-duty antibiotic that has a job to do. You're dehydrated.
We had to keep you in the Emergency Room until you woke up. Well, and did
something else on your own..."
"Ah, Scully... not a FOLEY?"
"Sorry, partner. Couldn't take samples anyway without one. They need input and
output for the chart, and you are getting a room for another day or so."
Mulder spent the next few hours having a spa treatment because the doctors felt
that he needed to relieve some stress and to recover from the food poisoning.
Plus it was a great way to get at the sand on his skin. "Scully, do you want to jump
in with me?"
"No, Mulder. This spa treatment is for you -- not for me."
"It will be fun," Mulder pleaded.
"I don't think it's wise. Besides, they'll catch us."
"Um, no, they won't. We still haven't finished relaxing, Scully." Mulder smiled
cheekily as he lounged in the hot tub. He knew she was weakening as he
saw her smile.
She got undressed in the next room and she climbed into to hot tub with
Mulder. "If they find us -- "
"They won't, Scully."
Scully slid down to feel the soothing water jets on her back. "This is wonderful,
Mulder. I wouldn't mind doing this more often." She closed her eyes and
relished the comfort of the warm water.
"We can arrange that, you know."
"Now Mulder, don't give the powers that be back home any ammunition--"
"What? Two partners can't relax once in a while after a long, stressful series
of crappy and life threatening assignments?"
"It's not that, Mulder. It's just... Whoa. Something's wrong here. Do you feel the
water getting hotter?"
"Well, as you're the best hot thing--"
"No, I'm serious. This tub is getting hotter by the second.We've got to get out of
here before we're scalded. C'mon."
"Scully, I need the orderlies. I'm still kind of weak and wobbly. Press the call
"Right." She reached over the side of the tub and pressed the buzzer.
"They're not answering!" She was scared now. "I'll try again..."
"This is Dr. Dana Scully. I'm with Agent Mulder in the hot tub and the water is
getting extremely hot. Get the orderlies!"
In a flash, two orderlies were inside the whirlpool room and lifted both agents
from the boiling waves.
"What the---?" one orderly asked.
"Never mind!" Scully grabbed a towel and quickly pulled it around herself.
"Another minute and we would have been stew."
The second orderly tried to reduce the hot tub's temperature control.
"Somebody's messed with the controls. Who would do that?"
"Who indeed," Mulder mumbled. "Look, I don't really want to get into it right
"Looks like you did a minute ago," the first orderly chuckled.
"Shut up!" Scully shouted. "Get out of here, let us get dressed, and we're out
"But the doctor said..."
"I'M a doctor. Now out of here and let us get dressed."
The orderlies looked at each other and smiled as they left the two agents
"So much for a relaxing time away from it all," Mulder said, a frown
making deep furrows into his brow.
"Don't worry, Mulder. I have a plan. You'll have your own masseuse,
sounding board and friendly banter... "
"In your motel room. I have some oils that smell heavenly, I can give you a
good massage, that's not life-threatening, and we can lounge around doing
nothing but relaxing." Scully buttoned her blouse. "Plus, I can be your body
"I'm sorry I've been so... so ungrateful. Scully, if I didn't have you I don't know
who I could count on." He zipped up his pants, and slid his shoes carefully
onto his feet. "Ready?"
"After you pick up the rest of your things. I'll sign us out. You know, Mulder, this
is one of the most stressful vacations I've ever taken."
"Amen." He took Scully's hand as they walked down the hospital corridor. "I'm
partial to oil of peppermint."
"Then we'll start with that." Scully smiled and thought of all they'd been through
together during this vacation. "Yes," she told herself aloud, "I could stand some
"You coming on to me, Scully?"
"Use your imagination."