Title: Mulder's New Year's Resolutions ll
Rated: PG-13. Darn 'dammit' word, and a couple of others.
Category: Vignette, Mulder POV.
Spoiler: Season 3
Summary: Once again, Mulder's attempting to set goals for the
New Year. Har dee har har!
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Archive: Anyone who wants it, just ask.
Disclaimer: I found them abandoned on a roadside just
outside my house. Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox
Studios own the rights to them, but they need upkeep. I am
doing this for no money and most certainly don't intend
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
DECEMBER 31, 1996
Mulder really thought he'd rather not embark upon such
folly as he had done last year. He knew that setting lofty
goals for the next year was unrealistic, and as a
psychologist he knew damn well that people who make these
lists tend to kick themselves in the ass when they haven't
kept their resolutions. In other words, he didn't want to
feel any more guilt than he was already carrying, and had
been carrying for most of his life.
He sat down to his computer after once again declining a
lunch invitation from Scully. She seemed to believe his
meager excuse that he had to do a virus scan on the hard
Once again, he opened up a window and began:
"This next year being 1997, I Fox William Mulder, do hereby
resolve to accomplish the following tasks:"
"Dammit! Didn't I do this last year, and blow almost every
item?" he whispered. "Okay, I'll throw caution to the wind
and get this done anyhow.
1) Clean my apartment from top to bottom, up, down, east,
west, north, south, and all that, yada yada yada, like I said
last year, with the incentive that some time soon I may
actually choose to... invite Scully in for a beer. What the
2) Stock my refrigerator with more than just orange juice,
beer and left over pizza and Chinese Food. Well, this year
I had food, too. Wow! In addition, I resolve to adhere to
expiry dates and the three-day refrigerated food rule, which
I discovered the hard way while Scully was bringing me the
autopsy results from a murder case, and needed reprints as
3) Cease and decist from leaving sunflower seed hulls in
company rental cars. As old habits die hard. I will bring
little litter bags, or I could throw them out onto deserted
roadsides, thereby recycling them.
4) Refrain from ditching Scully... even though my hunches
are dead on and I have spared Scully from danger by doing
so this past year. Who am I kidding? Well, I'll try.
5) Continue to call Scully at night for trumped-up reasons
because that's my nature, and I know she would keel over
from shock if I suddenly stopped the silly ritual. Besides,
I think, in some arcane sort of way, she likes it!
6) Definitely, without a doubt, with God as my witness,
never again refer to Skinner as... no, that was last year I
stopped calling him 'Chrome Dome'... I resolve never again
to refer to him as 'Mr. Clean's Evil Twin', when out at the
bar all we FBI gents seem to frequent.
7) Kiss Scully passionately on the lips to wish her Happy
New Year tonight, since last year my face was too badly
bruised to do so, and I wasn't able to walk anyhow.
8) Duck in case she tries to slug me, as I said last year,
and although I don't think she would, one just never knows.
9) Use all my training, leads, resources, and spare time to
find Samantha because I need to get her back for Mom, and I
can't sleep until I do. I'm going to win this one, no
matter who gets in the way. Except, I'm going to see to it
that my search in no way harms Scully.
10) Duck tonight. It's definitely, positively going to
happen tonight. I think. I can only hope?
Signed, this 31st day of December, 1996
Fox William Mulder."