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One of Those Darn Clumsy Uber-Mulders

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A nice drive in the desert to meet a source has
Mulder suffering severely.

Category: Mulder Torture, Angst.

Spoilers/Time Frame: Season 7

Archive: Gossamer, any other nice home. Please ask first.


Author's Note: This story was written for the May, 2004 Challenge
at Mulder's Refuge.

"Another long drive into the Nevada desert. So, Mulder, when do we get
canned so we can live a normal life?" Scully was feeling the heat and
made no effort to hide her resentment that the agents were once again
chasing one of Mulder's leads on aliens.

"C'mon, Scully. It's so warm and sunny out here. Besides, Kersh hasn't
given us anything interesting lately." Mulder mopped his brow. "I thought
we could use a nice drive anyway. Beats fertilizer fraud and profiling,
doesn't it?"

"In the Nevada desert. Mulder, if he gets wind that we're out here again, we're
out for good. The thought that my next resume will read "kicked out of the FBI
for alien hunting" just never entered my wildest dreams."

"Gotta learn to dream, G-woman. Besides, I've heard some of your, well, less
than tame dreams through thin motel room walls."

"And you thought I was sent to spy on you." she laughed. "Yeah, I guess the heat
is getting to me, Mulder. So, who is this source this time?"

"He... wants to remain anonymous."

"Of course. Another psycho from the Rachel Psychiatric Ward. Look, I know how
you want to get all the evidence you can. Believe me I do. But sometimes, we've
been out here for God-awful nothing, and come back with nothing." she remained
silent for a few moments. Mulder was high on the anticipation that he could have a
plausible piece of evidence to justify re-opening The X-Files. She wasn't going to
deny him his wish. He just seemed fatigued. His face was pale and he was
sweating much more than she was. "Mulder? Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, yeah Scully. I'm okay. Why?"

"Just being your partner as well as your doctor. You don't really look as well as you
did when we left the Lariat lot."

"Maybe it's just been a long drive. A few more miles and we'll get a motel... "

Just then there was the familiar sound of a tire going flat.

"Stay on the shady side Scully. I'll take care of it."

"Why don't you have some water before you do," Scully insisted, handing him a

"Thanks." He caught the bottle, took a sip, then opened the car trunk. "Scully, did
you ever wonder if we should check for a jack and a spare when we take these
rentals out?"

"Aww, Mulder!" Scully was enraged. "Why now? All the way out here! God knows
how far the next town is and here we are stuck in the... " She went on for quite
some time before she realized Mulder was slumping against the trunk he'd just
closed. She ran around to the rear of the car and just eased him into the shade
at the side of the sedan. "Okay. Take it easy. I want to get my medical bag and
check you out."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, am I?" he muttered. "Sorry, Scully. I guess I should
have told you I was feeling something coming on."

"Yeah, well, let's just take your temperature here, and do a blood pressure reading.
Then I want a look at your throat." She felt the lymph nodes in her partner's throat.
They were swollen. Badly swollen. "Well, you do have a pretty high fever, and a very
red throat. I think you should get into the car. We can put on the air conditioning, and
flag someone down for some help. Can you try to stand?"

Neither of them were aware that there was a rattlesnake crossing the road. He was
on his way underneath the car, and when Mulder suddenly moved, the instinct for
self-protection in that rattler kicked in. He nabbed Mulder on the outer side of his
left calf.

"Aaaahhhgh! Damn!" Mulder shouted. He had been bitten on his right calf, as well!

"Don't move. He'll do it again!" Scully shot the offending snake. "Aren't you glad I'm
a good shot? Mulder, we have to work fast here. I don't have any anti-venom in my
bag, so just bear with me. Now, I'm just going to give you a topical anaesthetic,
make an incision right here, and suck the venom out. DO NOT MOVE!"

"Just... just hurry, Scully. Do what you have to and get it over with." The grimace was
enough to say he was in sheer agony.

Scully applied a tourniquette to stop the snake venom from travelling far from the
bites, then went to work, spitting out the contaminated blood as her partner lay
watching her. He was in awe of her tolerance for the blood and guts of her profession.
He was in awe of her inventiveness when given a challenge. The topical anaesthetic
must have been the mild brand, because he was still feeling the sharp bite of that

"Aaaagh! AUUUGH!!!" When she had finished the job, he felt rather sheepish,
especially about the position he had just put her into. "Scully, I'm... "

"I know. You're sorry." Scully took a swig of Mulder's bottled water and washed the
remaining blood out of her mouth. "Drink this. Then we'll get you into the car. I'll put
on the emergency flashers. We've got to get out of this sun." At least the car had

By the time help did arrive, it was 3:00 in the afternoon, three hours after the tire
had flattened. A pick-up truck was headed for the next town, and dropped them off
at a motel in Rachel, Nevada.

Scully checked them into their rooms, and called the nearest garage to have the
car repaired.

"Well, the tow truck should have picked up the car by now," she said over cold
beer and warm pizza. There was a monster movie playing in Mulder's room. The
clock read 7:54 pm. "Guess you'll just have to meet your source some other time,

"Yeah, I guess. Hey, Scully?"


"Why is my neck so swollen?"

"Oh, well, the doctor I brought in while you were napping said it's the mumps."

"Mumps? Yeah, I sorta feel like The Blob on the screen right now."

"Mumps. Don't worry. A mild case really. Just hope it doesn't..."

"Scully, never mind. I know where it can go, I really do. But I'm fine... down... down

"I think I should check you out, Mulder. It could affect your fertility should you want
to... "

Mulder pulled his blanket up to his neck. "No, um, that's all right. Besides, who'd
want to have a father who's paranoid, runs around after aliens, and ends up in the
wrong place at the wrong time?"

"One of those darn clumsy Uber-Mulders, I guess," Scully scowled.


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