Title: Postcard From Fanfic Land
Spoilers: Small hint at The Unnatural.
Categorization: Humour, Angst.
Summary: Mulder shows Scully what the fanfic writers have been doing
with their characters, nice and not-so-nice.
Archive: Gossamer, any other nice home.
Disclaimer: The X-files, characters and plot ideas all belong to
Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Studios. The legend lives
Fanfictionland! A vast expanse of endless scenery, situations,
characters, relationships, emotions, mysteries and machinations. In
this area of fiction, there is room for almost anything to happen, and
every character who lives in Fanfictionland is quite aware of the many
ways writers interpret them. For, as they were once the idea of a
single writer or perhaps a team, now they live on not only in books,
film, photographs and audio recordings, but in the imaginations and
writings of the fanfiction writers.
Don't think for a minute that many of them aren't curious as to what
we all have them saying, doing, where they're travelling, and how they
are solving the often loose-ends during or after the productions of
their original creators' products end, wondering what could have
Let's take a look at two characters who just happen to be the subjects
common to a TV show remembered in fanfiction...
"Scully! Take a look at this!"
"Just a sec., I want to say one more thing to Lucy Ricardo... Okay,
now you're looking in on the Fanfic writers again. Mulder, there are
some characters from Flipper who would really like to meet you to
talk about the Big Blue episode... , and you should meet Eddie
"Scully, look at what they did to me in THIS Muldertorture story!"
"Oh, my! What a thing to do to a poor Coke bottle... "
"Look a little further over to the left, Miss Smart Socks. See what
I mean, and then laugh again!"
"I'm entertaining the guys, as a stripper at a stag for one of the
agents, and Skinner orders me to do the... WHAT a sinking feeling I
have in my stomach. I can't look... "
"Well, there you are up there making booties for the fifth little
baby Scully expects in this fic. Nice stitches."
"I guess that's cool, I don't recall Chris telling me I know how
to do that. That's rather sweet. Oh, look what I'm doing with you
here in this one... I just LOVE this... "
"Yeah, this is one of my favourites. You were so inventive, yet so
gentle. The banana cream pie... "
"The chocolate sauce, and the alien slippers. That was the most fun
birthday party in years."
"Just the two of us... "
"Some people write us in threesomes... "
"Oh. Well, I've been so busy talking to all the other characters
we don't know yet, I had no idea."
"Some of them want us apart... "
"Interesting. Or with others, I take it."
Long pause here, folks. Can't wait to hear what she says next.
"Well, I think... Hey! That one over there has me dead, that one
has me with Krycek, or Skinner, or Skinner and Doggett, married
to an old college professor, never having met you... "
"That one has ME dead, that one has me dancing drunkenly with a
bear, there I am worried about your cancer returning, over there...
yes, over there ... THAT'S a very good, five hanky rated, tender
"Mulder, I think I'm on the verge of tears... aw... and look at
the bride and groom picture with Duchovny and Anderson right beside
us. Our characters are being so warm and genuine... and I trust you
there. SEE! See that one over there! Look at what those kidnappers
are doing to me!!!! Please, MULDERRRR!"
"Shhh, it's okay. Just snuggle up on this ballpark bench with me
here. Now, it's only fiction, just remember that... "
"Um, (sniff), Mulder..."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"I just found out how sexy you look in a tee shirt and boxers... "
"That's food for thought. Gee, I remember that shower scence in
the series... "
"We were in decontamination, and I was kind of thinking... "
"Oh, how cold it was."
"No, you weren't. You were thinking about something else... "
"Yeah. And you were, too."
"If you say so. Are you ticklish..."
"No! Hey! NOOOOO!!!! SPOOKY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
"Gotcha! Kissy little Starbuck... Mmmmmm"
"Really, sometimes I wonder just who has corrupted whom... "
"Shut up, Mulder. Just shut up and grab a baseball bat. I
wanna play some baseball!"
"Just assume the position and let me teach you. Let's score
"Wouldn't dream of having it any other way, Mulder. Wave to
our Moms and Dads over there... "
"Yes, they're all here. Isn't it good to be imaginary... "